02-20-2016, 08:52 PM
(02-20-2016, 09:26 AM)ellajam Wrote: Lovely read, great job on the meter. A few nits:Thank you ellajam, I am glad you liked my poem. Also thank you for the suggested commas. I fully agree and have slipped them in
Maybe some punctuation at the end of L2.
"while with me" and "deamily" don't quite rhyme.
A comma after Summer.
Thanks for the read, I'm enjoying it.
(02-20-2016, 07:37 AM)Julius Wrote: Gentle Autumn
Come here my love and lay awhile with me,
And with your weary head upon my breast
Relax and let your thoughts drift dreamily
As you and I together take our rest.
This is our time of close companionship,
Take comfort in the warmth of my embrace
And smile, as softly with my finger tip
I trace familiar contours of your face.
I ask no more of life than tenderness,
Our youthful times of passion being spent;
But do not think my love is any less,
Or that in life today I’m not content.
We shared our Spring and Summer dearest wife;
So now the gentle Autumn of our life.
