02-20-2016, 07:45 AM
Thanks Tom,
You make some valid points, and you have certainly done yeoman's work going through it. I was waiting til your return before I replied and you snuck by me. So sorry for being late in response.
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It’s what everyone does today,
or so it’s what they say, “they say!” "at least it's what they say they say. " Simpler but is doing the same as saying. In truth, I believe you are not making absolute sense. Does the line mean "It's what everbody(sic)SAYS today, at least it what they say they say" or "It's what everybody does these days, at least it's what they say they do"?Hmmmm.
The line in whole is:
"It’s what everyone does today, or so it’s what they say, “they say!”
I think it reads easy enough if one realizes that "they" refers to the "everyone" in the first half of the sentence. I'm working with a quick pace here, I do not want to slow it down by being pedantic. So yes I could make it more clear, but...
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So I guess it must be OK! “ok?” What's with the quotation marks? There is only the character speaking thus far.
Air quotes.
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contemporaneously-impromptu-un-devised. Well yes to all of this...in fact yes twice. The hyphenation creates a false genre. You could call it CIUD poetry but why name it at all. So why hyphenate?
Once again it's about pace, maybe that's a bad way to do it, but the idea was to give the idea that it was to be read quickly by running it all together, but separating the words so they are easy to read. There is no doubt that to read this aloud the way it should be read, I would have to practice some.
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In this pass through world of crass food grass: Ah, now I revert. "In this pass-through world of crass food grass..." is better for me but I still do not extract the meaning. Help. I cannot help but feel that this is getting self-indulgent. No crime but fess up anyway.
Yes, the hyphen is better, will correct. The meaning refers to primarily to the East and West coast, most obviously the West coast, where all food has to be vegetable matter, the colon says it is connected to the next line. I will take up the explanation there.
naturally driving on California café gas. I think you could have made more of "naturally" but I am not sure you are that bovvered. It just reads that way. Please tell me it is deliberate
there is a contrast/comparison here between eating green (grass) and putting café gas (also a pun) into your car. Café gas is gasoline that has a very specific formula, often varying from county from county to county and just as with the food it's all based on trendiness, which is the theme of the poem. The currently trendiness in writing specifically poetry. These are just examples to compare the main topic to. As to "naturally" there is the pun on natural gas, what many of the larger vehicles (especially owned by the cities, or counties use) much of the "café gas" has ethanol as a component which is made from corn, and of course corn is natural. The point being, if it sounds "natural" then it's OK, or certainly better than fossil fuels.
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“Very fresh: In a too French way,” they call. Hmmm. what is "Too Fresh" and don't say trop frais.
"Very fresh"? I did not say "Too fresh" so you will have to ask that on again. "Very fresh: in a too French way" has several meanings. One of the most superficial is, France is the center of the fashion world, which makes it the de facto the capital of style, but as everything starts here it has yet to be tempered and so it is raw and the extremity of it is difficult for some to handle. All in all this is just a continuation of the style is not reality and as we will shortly find anything based on it will quickly come apart.
Righty-ho. You've gone over the line. Tell me, how is "raw" a parametric of "texture"? Carrot/ fish?
I think I have answered this.
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What is the question?
Good point, will fix.
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I strongly believe we all have to write a piece like this now and then. It helps clean out the tubes
Funny, I consider one of my better poems. Top five I would say. It's initially meant to be read fast, simply for the fun of it without thinking to much, but it is multi-layered if a person wishes to spend time with it. _________________________________________________________________________
Bishop: "I'm afraid you've got a bad egg, Mr Jones"; Curate: "Oh, no, my Lord, I assure you that parts of it are excellent!"
"True Humility" by George du Maurier, originally published in Punch, 9 November 1895.
(https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Curate's_egg)
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Thanks for the comments Tom,
dale
You make some valid points, and you have certainly done yeoman's work going through it. I was waiting til your return before I replied and you snuck by me. So sorry for being late in response.
___________________________________________________________________________________
It’s what everyone does today,
or so it’s what they say, “they say!” "at least it's what they say they say. " Simpler but is doing the same as saying. In truth, I believe you are not making absolute sense. Does the line mean "It's what everbody(sic)SAYS today, at least it what they say they say" or "It's what everybody does these days, at least it's what they say they do"?Hmmmm.
The line in whole is:
"It’s what everyone does today, or so it’s what they say, “they say!”
I think it reads easy enough if one realizes that "they" refers to the "everyone" in the first half of the sentence. I'm working with a quick pace here, I do not want to slow it down by being pedantic. So yes I could make it more clear, but...
____________________________________________________________________________________
So I guess it must be OK! “ok?” What's with the quotation marks? There is only the character speaking thus far.
Air quotes.
______________________________________________________________________________________
contemporaneously-impromptu-un-devised. Well yes to all of this...in fact yes twice. The hyphenation creates a false genre. You could call it CIUD poetry but why name it at all. So why hyphenate?
Once again it's about pace, maybe that's a bad way to do it, but the idea was to give the idea that it was to be read quickly by running it all together, but separating the words so they are easy to read. There is no doubt that to read this aloud the way it should be read, I would have to practice some.
_____________________________________________________________________________________
In this pass through world of crass food grass: Ah, now I revert. "In this pass-through world of crass food grass..." is better for me but I still do not extract the meaning. Help. I cannot help but feel that this is getting self-indulgent. No crime but fess up anyway.
Yes, the hyphen is better, will correct. The meaning refers to primarily to the East and West coast, most obviously the West coast, where all food has to be vegetable matter, the colon says it is connected to the next line. I will take up the explanation there.
naturally driving on California café gas. I think you could have made more of "naturally" but I am not sure you are that bovvered. It just reads that way. Please tell me it is deliberate
there is a contrast/comparison here between eating green (grass) and putting café gas (also a pun) into your car. Café gas is gasoline that has a very specific formula, often varying from county from county to county and just as with the food it's all based on trendiness, which is the theme of the poem. The currently trendiness in writing specifically poetry. These are just examples to compare the main topic to. As to "naturally" there is the pun on natural gas, what many of the larger vehicles (especially owned by the cities, or counties use) much of the "café gas" has ethanol as a component which is made from corn, and of course corn is natural. The point being, if it sounds "natural" then it's OK, or certainly better than fossil fuels.
___________________________________________________________________________________
“Very fresh: In a too French way,” they call. Hmmm. what is "Too Fresh" and don't say trop frais.
"Very fresh"? I did not say "Too fresh" so you will have to ask that on again. "Very fresh: in a too French way" has several meanings. One of the most superficial is, France is the center of the fashion world, which makes it the de facto the capital of style, but as everything starts here it has yet to be tempered and so it is raw and the extremity of it is difficult for some to handle. All in all this is just a continuation of the style is not reality and as we will shortly find anything based on it will quickly come apart.
Righty-ho. You've gone over the line. Tell me, how is "raw" a parametric of "texture"? Carrot/ fish?
I think I have answered this.
________________________________________________________________________________________
What is the question?
Good point, will fix.
__________________________________________________________________________________
I strongly believe we all have to write a piece like this now and then. It helps clean out the tubes
Funny, I consider one of my better poems. Top five I would say. It's initially meant to be read fast, simply for the fun of it without thinking to much, but it is multi-layered if a person wishes to spend time with it. _________________________________________________________________________
Bishop: "I'm afraid you've got a bad egg, Mr Jones"; Curate: "Oh, no, my Lord, I assure you that parts of it are excellent!"
"True Humility" by George du Maurier, originally published in Punch, 9 November 1895.
(https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Curate's_egg)
__________________________________________________________________________
Thanks for the comments Tom,
dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.