02-19-2016, 04:32 AM
A nice snapshot type poem. Personally I appreciate the notes, without them I probably would have just bypassed the poem as not being worth the trouble to look up everything I needed to to make it understandable. I especially would not have known what to do with the " a rainy giro day" phrase. So for me the notes were helpful.
There is cleverness in bracketing the poem with the word "Cul de Sac" although I would use an em dash, rather than a hyphen, to make the parenthetical more clear and make the idea of why more clear.
In terms of the notes (and this half professional and half personal) I would leave a paragraphs worth of white space without a horizontal rule, and start the note section like so:
Note:
O.A.P. is an Old Age Pensioner/ Senior Citizen.
Giro is informal for unemployment benefit/social security payment that used to be a cheque that had to be cashed at the post office fortnightly.
As this part is not a poem, it should be written out in sentence form. Up to you to leave the humor in or not. I tend to think it distracts from and diminishes the poem, however I am often guilty of the same thing
dale
There is cleverness in bracketing the poem with the word "Cul de Sac" although I would use an em dash, rather than a hyphen, to make the parenthetical more clear and make the idea of why more clear.
In terms of the notes (and this half professional and half personal) I would leave a paragraphs worth of white space without a horizontal rule, and start the note section like so:
Note:
O.A.P. is an Old Age Pensioner/ Senior Citizen.
Giro is informal for unemployment benefit/social security payment that used to be a cheque that had to be cashed at the post office fortnightly.
As this part is not a poem, it should be written out in sentence form. Up to you to leave the humor in or not. I tend to think it distracts from and diminishes the poem, however I am often guilty of the same thing
dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.