02-17-2016, 12:05 PM
Edit2
What gets you through the tunnel and the nights
Is much the same: it answers midnight dread -
Of feared abandonment and cave-in plights -
With claims of love or safety, read or said.
Hope’s not enough: you must own confidence,
Belief in science, that this tunnel’s roof
Is like each other’s, bored through rock as dense,
That’s crushed no one – a tested, public proof.
You likewise trust the pillars of your mind -
Religion, romance, ideology -
Because they’ve helped so many souls to find
Safe passage through each night’s geology.
To engineer is human; so’s belief:
The stress of life, like steel, wants strain relief.
Many thanks to the two distinguished critics. I've tried to implement your criticisms in the above edit. (@aschueler and @UselessBlueprint, gimme some time to puzzle out a better couplet: the pre-original version was much, much worse!)
@Todd - Not overdone at all, quite welcome, in fact. I've made many changes to the first quatrain, trying to clarify the idea (though night remains as a shorthand for insecure night thoughts). The heights are gone. I defend "so many souls" given the prevalence of religion, ideology, and romance - few, if any, make up their own... particularly at the level of religion. I do appreciate the read and the improvements.
@billy - If I've lost @billy at line 4, the rest of the audience is already across the street having a beer. Edit2 (above) addresses several of your concerns, though I'm still working on a couplet with more punch. To Engineer is Human is also the title of Petroski's delightful book of engineering cock-ups, and I really doubt that any non-human animal does it the way we do. Thanks for the comments, will try to do better!
What gets you through the tunnel and the nights
Is much the same: it answers midnight dread -
Of feared abandonment and cave-in plights -
With claims of love or safety, read or said.
Hope’s not enough: you must own confidence,
Belief in science, that this tunnel’s roof
Is like each other’s, bored through rock as dense,
That’s crushed no one – a tested, public proof.
You likewise trust the pillars of your mind -
Religion, romance, ideology -
Because they’ve helped so many souls to find
Safe passage through each night’s geology.
To engineer is human; so’s belief:
The stress of life, like steel, wants strain relief.
Many thanks to the two distinguished critics. I've tried to implement your criticisms in the above edit. (@aschueler and @UselessBlueprint, gimme some time to puzzle out a better couplet: the pre-original version was much, much worse!)
@Todd - Not overdone at all, quite welcome, in fact. I've made many changes to the first quatrain, trying to clarify the idea (though night remains as a shorthand for insecure night thoughts). The heights are gone. I defend "so many souls" given the prevalence of religion, ideology, and romance - few, if any, make up their own... particularly at the level of religion. I do appreciate the read and the improvements.
@billy - If I've lost @billy at line 4, the rest of the audience is already across the street having a beer. Edit2 (above) addresses several of your concerns, though I'm still working on a couplet with more punch. To Engineer is Human is also the title of Petroski's delightful book of engineering cock-ups, and I really doubt that any non-human animal does it the way we do. Thanks for the comments, will try to do better!
Non-practicing atheist