02-17-2016, 10:07 AM
To ease my conscience, I offer this regarding the revision.
I enjoy this poem considerably, but also think the format of a sonnet doesn't add much (but I can understand its temptation).
Engineering indeed is not unique to humans. I actually am not sure what is, but that's getting off base again.
Revealed is better than likewise and pillars is a good change too.
You seem to explain vague anxieties, which is fine but fear of abandonment, a very specific worry, doesn't clearly fit.
I enjoy this poem considerably, but also think the format of a sonnet doesn't add much (but I can understand its temptation).
Engineering indeed is not unique to humans. I actually am not sure what is, but that's getting off base again.
Revealed is better than likewise and pillars is a good change too.
You seem to explain vague anxieties, which is fine but fear of abandonment, a very specific worry, doesn't clearly fit.