Town and Country blues Edit 1.00000001 wjames, river, dale,nikki

[Wjames]

You shipped me out, beneath this foreign sky; what foreign sky? It might read better: "beneath a foreign sky"
with bleeding eyes I look through fret and try I'm not sure what "look through fret" means either.
and try to see what you see here.
The sodden ground that yields like gangrened flesh
sticks glutinously to my every stride
so that my very walk becomes a strain. I like the core of this, but there's a little padding, like "my every stride", "my very walk".
Down comes more rain.

There are no lights once diamond days have died;
the beast of black depression says you lied, I like these two lines, it reads like a Dylan lyric, I say it with that snarl.
then slumps like mortar on my heart.
You promised me the scents and sounds of bliss,
where we would roll and wrap ourselves in lust
and suck the soft green grass on which we’d lain.
Down comes more rain.

I want the noise, the blaze and blare of life,
to bump and bruise within the common strife; "within the common strife" sounds off to me as well.
for what is silence if not death?
Speak loud and scream if that is what you feel.
Hit hard and low and blame me for it all;
the truth of what we have is loving pain. "the truth of what we have" is a strange expression.
Down comes more rain.

tectak
2016  

There's some real nice images here, and I like the refrain.  I'm also having trouble figuring out who "you" is as well. In the second stanza it certainly seems to be a lover. In the first stanza, it's more ambiguous, but it does make me think of a country sending out a soldier to war, especially the first line. Perhaps the women broke up with the narrator, and "shipped him out" however. There's enough things to think about that even though I can't quite fit them all in to one, I still enjoyed the poem.