02-12-2016, 02:56 AM
Tom wrote: All in all, there is an over complexity in the piece which does not permit me to comment on intent. To square the circle, the words win over both metrics and meaning. Is that good?
I don't know Tom. I think it may be too flawed. The top layer (hen, hen) is about racism or rather the abatement of it and the feeling of loss that those who profit by it feel, but the poem is archetypal and can extend to many situations (parent-child for instance). However the bunglesome nature may only lend itself to file thirteen. I was aware of many of its flaws when I put it up, but lacked answers. I was hoping to get some, which I did, but I fear not enough to save the poor thing, which is unfortunate. I was listening to a Billy Holiday song shortly before I wrote this, the song? "Strange Fruit" Maybe I'll make the correction at hand and leave it before discarding it altogether.
Of course the thread will stay open (I do not close threads as some do--gives haughty look of disdain) so maybe so bright soul will come along and offer suggestions. I guess a revision is in order, if for no other reason than to correct the typos.
Thanks for the help,
dale
PS Einstein is right again.
I don't know Tom. I think it may be too flawed. The top layer (hen, hen) is about racism or rather the abatement of it and the feeling of loss that those who profit by it feel, but the poem is archetypal and can extend to many situations (parent-child for instance). However the bunglesome nature may only lend itself to file thirteen. I was aware of many of its flaws when I put it up, but lacked answers. I was hoping to get some, which I did, but I fear not enough to save the poor thing, which is unfortunate. I was listening to a Billy Holiday song shortly before I wrote this, the song? "Strange Fruit" Maybe I'll make the correction at hand and leave it before discarding it altogether.
Of course the thread will stay open (I do not close threads as some do--gives haughty look of disdain) so maybe so bright soul will come along and offer suggestions. I guess a revision is in order, if for no other reason than to correct the typos.
Thanks for the help,
dale
PS Einstein is right again.
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.