Town and Country Blues

[nikkisto]

You shipped me out, beneath this foreign sky;
with bleeding eyes I look through fret and try
and try to see what you see here.
The sodden ground that yields like gangrened flesh
-- it stinks of ungulates and all they drop--                    I stand with the others here, this line seems a distraction from what is a very solid open
sticks glutinously to my every stride
so that my very walk becomes a strain.
Down comes more rain.

There are no lights once diamond days have died;      This stanza seems to best fit your stated goal in regards to representing
the beast of black depression says you lied,                an opposing view. It shows some vulnerability and an expression of loss rather 
then sits like stone upon my heart.                             than a superficial discomfort with an unpleasant surrounding.
You promised me the scents and sounds of bliss,
where we would roll and wrap ourselves in lust
and suck the soft green grass on which we’d lain.
Down comes more rain.

I want the noise, the blaze and blare of life,
to bump and bruise within the common strife;
but what is silence if not death?             
Speak loud and scream if that is what you feel.
Hit hard and low and blame me for it all;                  
the truth of what we have is loving pain.
Down comes more rain.

tectak
2016  

Note. An exercise in writing fom a diametrically opposite viewpoint to the one I hold...that's all.

I almost wish I hadn't read the note about it being an exercise in representing an opposing view. In that I think it failed somewhat, I feel like I'm hearing bits and pieces of an argument previously had but I'm lacking the vulnerability and emotional depth of one truly empathizing with the experience of another. At the same time that does come through in spots, as I mentioned above. The speaker comes across as somewhat whiny and self indulgent at the beginning, which may be an indication of bias creeping in? Overall, I really enjoyed the read!