Town and Country Blues

[Erthona]

I will do my duty, to the best of my ability and hate every minute of it.

You shipped me out, beneath this foreign sky; (as there is no pause after "out" I see no need for a comma.)
with bleeding eyes I look through fret and try (and try and try and try....)
and try to see what you see here. (oh I see, "here" is for the meter, otherwise there is no point to it)
The sodden ground that yields like gangrened flesh ( a bit over the top, or an abrupt drop into the macabre)
-- it stinks of ungulates and all they drop-- (first dying flesh now cow shit)
sticks glutinously to my every stride (I like how " glutinously" rolls off the tongue)
so that my very walk becomes a strain.
Down comes more rain.

There are no lights once diamond days have died;
the beast of black depression says you lied, ("the beast of black depression" very original phrase")
then sits like stone upon my heart. (also another gem of originality)
You promised me the scents and sounds of bliss,
where we would roll and wrap ourselves in lust
and suck the soft green grass on which we’d lain. (so are we talking cows? You did mention them. But of course you are referring to the dog.)
Down comes more rain.

I want the noise, the blaze and blare of life,
to bump and bruise within the common strife; (nice beat-like phrase)
but what is silence if not death? (Well silence is silence unless it is the silence of death, this does not logically follow)
Speak loud and scream if that is what you feel. (" Do not go gentle into that good night")
Hit hard and low and blame me for it all;
the truth of what we have is loving pain.
Down comes more rain.  (It's getting decidedly wet "here".)

tectak
2016  

Note. An exercise in writing fom a diametrically opposite viewpoint to the one I hold...that's all.

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I think we both know what what you are talking about and if you do not know, then you are blind and unconscious. Well, the beat goes on, doesn't it, even if one of the players stops. Still it takes more than a moment to get over that customary sound of years once it abruptly stops. Still, the beat goes on and the rain comes down. Overall a nice metaphor, intended or not.

Best,

dale