02-08-2016, 02:09 PM
Hi im gonna try give some critique here:
I will say it reads well and sounds pleasing as it rolls off the tongue nice
I feel as if the rhyme scheme is a bit forced for example:
para 1 :
breeze, see , sadly, gladly and finally be
For me a poem dose not need to rhyme to be pleasing or show meaning and too much rhyming makes it feel as if it is loosing depth.
para 2:
The same thing happens in each para onward, but overall a very nice poem, I really enjoyed reading it my first attempt at critique was not as detailed so I hope this is better and you enjoyed it.
keep writing as I do enjoy reading your poems so far that I've read on this site.
I will say it reads well and sounds pleasing as it rolls off the tongue nice
I feel as if the rhyme scheme is a bit forced for example:
para 1 :
breeze, see , sadly, gladly and finally be
For me a poem dose not need to rhyme to be pleasing or show meaning and too much rhyming makes it feel as if it is loosing depth.
para 2:
Quote:Falling leaves that ride the breeze maybe "falling leaves that ride the wind" changing the word yet still giving the same meaning
To where do you go I agree with the post above a few post the addition or stat with "To" may or not be needed could be overkill
When gone from the tree? this line for me would be fine with the first change as it still rhymes with breeze and is not a each line must rhyme type of thing
Heaven or rot? Eden or not? again for me this is to much rhyme where as it could have more meaning and leave the rhyme for the next line, but this is more personal opinion
Seems no matter, you softly agree[b]. [b]this is a nice end to the para [/b][/b]
The same thing happens in each para onward, but overall a very nice poem, I really enjoyed reading it my first attempt at critique was not as detailed so I hope this is better and you enjoyed it.
keep writing as I do enjoy reading your poems so far that I've read on this site.