02-06-2016, 08:31 AM
Todd,
Thanks for the feedback. I'm kind of torn; your critique is sound, and if applied would definitely affect the piece in a positive way. My initial idea with this one however, was to form the poem so the syllables relate to the numbers. Perhaps this is foolish to do, and doesnt affect the piece at all how I intended, but so far its the opening one syllable line to relate to 'one' in L2, three lines of six syllables each, and then a two syllable line to be added with the first two lines(three lines not in order, but add up to six), three lines of three syllables, three lines six, nine, three lines with one of each, then back to the first stanzas form. I originally wanted this to be a 666 syllable poem, but I honestly didn't think anyone would count that much. Then I thought maybe if I put it in forms theyd just have to multiply the stanzas. I decided to post first and see what I should work on, so all this said not sure if doing this actually benefits this piece or ends up hurting it. Thanks again for your thoughts,
mike
Thanks for the feedback. I'm kind of torn; your critique is sound, and if applied would definitely affect the piece in a positive way. My initial idea with this one however, was to form the poem so the syllables relate to the numbers. Perhaps this is foolish to do, and doesnt affect the piece at all how I intended, but so far its the opening one syllable line to relate to 'one' in L2, three lines of six syllables each, and then a two syllable line to be added with the first two lines(three lines not in order, but add up to six), three lines of three syllables, three lines six, nine, three lines with one of each, then back to the first stanzas form. I originally wanted this to be a 666 syllable poem, but I honestly didn't think anyone would count that much. Then I thought maybe if I put it in forms theyd just have to multiply the stanzas. I decided to post first and see what I should work on, so all this said not sure if doing this actually benefits this piece or ends up hurting it. Thanks again for your thoughts,
mike
Crit away