I am the plus one

[nikkisto]

This is my current project, and I am interested to hear feedback. It is another poem that makes use of mathematical concepts. 

Here is another revision to the poem, I converted it into more natural images and made it less abstract to help people connect with the poem; along with a new title. Plus I added two more additional conceptual elements. 

I have made another significant revision. 

3rd Revision.

The Zephyr 

I am the watchmaker, with spinning 
wheels and cogs that move us
from twelve to twelve again.
Nothing but the decaying sum,          I read in this stanza a push and pull between natural, cosmic forces and our attempts to control what is born from your everlasting cycle        beyond us. I enjoy your theme here, but I'm wondering if "decaying sum" still fits this revision or 
of sun, earth, wind, and rain.             if you're just holding on to it from the original.                 

And you are the stone that I lay 
to make my cobblestone lane.
The white water that carves 
through the mountain.
I am the pebble thrown into
your cyclone waters, quickly swept away;   There's a contradiction here with your subject. In the first 2 lines, the speaker is in control of the
never to be seen again.                              subject, but by the end the subject has full control of the speaker, intentional? 

You are the eternal ray of season shine, 
and I am the lost green of the Autumn tree. 
My crimson leaves dipped in your evening flare; 
soon to be stripped bare and frozen in Winter ice.

I am soil of all that does not last; 
you are the worm, 
that turns the dirt, the grass, and the elk. 

And one day, in the forgot field 
of white summer bear grass, 
surrounded by the reach 
of towering ponderosa trees,
next to the abandoned cottage,
that is in crumble and overgrown with green, 
here our paths together will end.

As you are the silent pond that rest there.
And I am the passing zephyr, 
who intrudes into this sacred shrine.
Where you lie so peaceful and clear,
that if it was not for the gentle dip of earth, rock and clay, 
your waters I would not see. 
And from my briefest kiss on your crystal surface, 
I will ripple to your endless edge.  


2nd Revision.

Endless

I once thought that was I the decaying sum 
born from the everlasting cycle
of sun, earth, wind, and rain.
Added to your ceaseless march,
and the more steps you took,
the close to zero I became.

But now I am not sure, maybe it is that 
I am the watchmaker, with spinning 
wheels and cogs that move from
twelve to twelve again, and you are 
the stone that I lay to make my cobblestone lane.

Or perhaps you are the white rapid river 
that carves through the mountain and rock,
and I am the pebble thrown in to your cyclone waters, 
quickly swept away; never to be seen again.

You could be the eternal ray of season shine, 
and I am the Autumn tree. My crimson leaves 
dipped in your evening flare; to be stripped bare, 
and frozen in Winter ice; only to be renewed
when Spring starts to sing.

Or perhaps I am soil of all that does not last,
and you are the worm, 
that turns the dirt, the grass, and the elk. 

Whatever you are, I am sure that once we met.
In a forgot field of white summer bear grass, 
surrounded by the reach of towering ponderosa trees,
next to an abandoned cottage,
that is in crumble and overgrown with green. 

You are the placid pond that rest there.
And I am the wind, who intrudes into this sacred shrine.
Where you lie so peaceful and clear,
that if it was not for the gentle dip of earth, rock and clay 
your waters I would not see. 
And from my briefest kiss on your crystal surface, 
I ripple to your endless edge.  

Revised

To the Everlasting Sum Total

I am the plus one
added to your ceaseless march
every step, closer to zero I become
under your heel forever reduced
towards none
but in your endless trek
never will you make me
a minus one
for I am, the plus one

Original

I am the plus one
added to your ceaseless march
every step, closer to zero I become
under your heel forever reduced
towards none
but in your endless trek
never will you make me
a minus one
for I am, the plus one

I really enjoyed getting to witness the different stages of this poem, had I read the original and this last revision on separate posts, I don't think I would have seen their connection! I respond to this last stanza, but as a whole, I feel that the poem is somewhat scattered. I think for me it was the different settings, cobblestone street, mountain stream, autumn forest, silent pond. If there was a common phrase or repetition in each that let them interact together it might increase the connectivity. That final line though, great.