Copper and Gold
#4
(02-01-2016, 08:13 AM)Xctv Wrote:  Silk-wool blends and peaked lapels
Coupled with overstated Windsor knots
Fresh coffee held by gold fingertips  I find myself sitting with 'gold fingertips' here and unsure what it's meant to imply

Cup in hand, he drinks coppers tonight  
The other covered with scars, cut by the wind  
 Aged leather and missing drawstrings   While I like the way this line reads, some punctuation would help connect it better with the previous                                                                     line and read easier.
He reaches out
Only to be met by contempt
I enjoy your foundation here, but wonder if the last 2 lines need to either be built upon or deleted. I assume you're going for the abruptness of the ending, but the last stanza doesn't feel connected enough to the other two yet. 
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Messages In This Thread
Copper and Gold - by Xctv - 02-01-2016, 08:13 AM
RE: Copper and Gold - by UselessBlueprint - 02-01-2016, 11:10 PM
RE: Copper and Gold - by Achebe - 02-04-2016, 11:33 PM
RE: Copper and Gold - by nikkisto - 02-05-2016, 09:37 AM
RE: Copper and Gold - by Leanne - 02-07-2016, 08:08 AM
RE: Copper and Gold - by Ehud - 02-15-2016, 12:28 PM
RE: Copper and Gold - by JRZH - 02-17-2016, 01:26 AM
RE: Copper and Gold - by Erthona - 02-17-2016, 06:49 AM



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