02-05-2016, 09:37 AM
(02-01-2016, 08:13 AM)Xctv Wrote: Silk-wool blends and peaked lapelsI enjoy your foundation here, but wonder if the last 2 lines need to either be built upon or deleted. I assume you're going for the abruptness of the ending, but the last stanza doesn't feel connected enough to the other two yet.
Coupled with overstated Windsor knots
Fresh coffee held by gold fingertips I find myself sitting with 'gold fingertips' here and unsure what it's meant to imply
Cup in hand, he drinks coppers tonight
The other covered with scars, cut by the wind
Aged leather and missing drawstrings While I like the way this line reads, some punctuation would help connect it better with the previous line and read easier.
He reaches out
Only to be met by contempt

