How to End an Affair

[71degrees]

Hey 71. I like the feel of this. It's as though she watching from outside, removed from herself. Some parts are unclear. 

Her mind has him— I think this enjambment is strong enough without the em dash
surrounded

Between them,
they share a cigarette a little redundant

Woman inhales, proof
she still breathes

Woman sees alone, this line is unclear
sees a kiss on her mouth

(Woman) hears a voice,
sees a mouth move

(Woman) watches “I should I think "woman" repeated loses effect quickly - try reading it aloud with the 3rd and 4th instances cut. 
be going"

going
through the door

feels herself being born
much too late

Hope some of that helps. Thanks for the read,
Paul

Some of it does. Thank you.

---

Her mind has him—
surrounded

--I like the visualization this projects. I can relate to this ---

Between them,
they share a cigarette

Woman inhales, proof
she still breathes

--I picture her being in pain. Is she doing this due to her unhappiness? What leads her to this? ''Proof she still breathes'' gives it the dramatic effect that pushes me to read more. I like this ---

Woman sees alone,
sees a kiss on her mouth

- Didn't really like the execution of this. The wording seems a bit off, not so sure ---

Woman hears a voice,
sees a mouth move

Woman watches “I should
be going"

--Climax. It looks like she is about to get caught --

going
through the door

feels herself being born
much too late

- Very nice closer. I like the delivery of this. I like the 'reborn' added to it. The feel of regret? ---


Over all - Nice little piece here. I would have possibly changed the stanza I wasn't feeling to familiar with. Other than that solid work.

Will probably do something w/the "alone" stanza since both you and Tiger the Lion have problems w/it. Thanks for the read and encouragement here.