Solstice

[billy]

i can't see much wrong here. after the initial read i thought more punctuation, after a few more reads i saw that it works as is, for me the poem is best read out load. [by the reader] i know we say that about all poetry but this one really benefits from the pauses. the run-on sentences do add to the reading.

I count the people that stumble crossing 
between, through and above the dark packs of snow 
lining the edges of city blocks the pause here makes me want to see a period and the next line makes makes me forget about the period. now i want to see a semi colon but after a few sec's thought it just feels like good enjambment; same with the line below.
and storefronts warmed by insect-like
chatter from guided bodies and a half-broken radio; my fave line chatter is a perfect word choice considering the time of year and it's affectation
and she is a little light taken by hand, the only observer
left in this squeezed sponge of a community,
eyes agape and head spinning 
as winter plays peek-a-boo with
it’s last fan.