01-27-2016, 11:46 AM
(01-22-2016, 07:30 AM)Wjames Wrote: While evening sways the almond grove<--dont love sways here...but i cant think of anything else. TO THE THESAURUS!Overall, I really like this piece. I, being way too metaphysical all the time, keep trying to find a deeper image or meaning and cant...some poems thrive on that, some dont. Think about it.
and palm tree dates bloom on the beach,
your grandma slaves over the stove
to make a pie from summer peach.<-- I would change this line to {to make pie from a summer peach}, moving the placement of the a. First of all, it just sounds better, and the image of making a pie with a peach instead of many peaches connects more strongly to the use of the word slave...or course, this does create a slightly different image, and it may not be what you are going for.
Great job!
-Liz
Sometimes I feel like writing poetry and sometimes I watch Netflix. No judging.