I am the plus one
#3
(01-25-2016, 04:05 AM)Jeremiahcp Wrote:  This is my current project, and I am interested to hear feedback. It is another poem that makes use of mathematical concepts. 



I am the plus one    Why plus one and not one?
added to your ceaseless march whose ceaseless march?
every step, closer to zero I become  if a plus one is on a ceaseless march would it be further away?
under your heel forever reduced  lost me 
towards none  towards zero?
but in your endless trek again, who is being referenced?
never will you make me  
a minus one  
for I am, the plus one
what if you add a minus two?  Cool
I'm not sure if this works out to be much.  It is quite short and I'm not sure to whom the "plus one's" dialog is directed at.  That, and I'm not sure if the wording makes sense.  Though I am not known for my math skills, when you add one to number, you get further from zero and the realm of negative integers.  Another observation is that there really isn't any thing that have an emotive appeal.  As a reader I don't feel connected to the speaker. 

Try using more poetic devices.

best,

-Nick
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Messages In This Thread
I am the plus one - by Jeremiahcp - 01-25-2016, 04:05 AM
RE: I am the plus one - by ellz483 - 01-25-2016, 12:18 PM
RE: I am the plus one - by Brujo - 01-26-2016, 05:56 AM
RE: I am the plus one - by Jeremiahcp - 01-26-2016, 11:53 PM
RE: I am the plus one - by QDeathstar - 01-27-2016, 12:33 AM
RE: I am the plus one - by Jeremiahcp - 02-05-2016, 01:21 AM
RE: I am the plus one - by Jeremiahcp - 02-06-2016, 12:23 AM
RE: I am the plus one - by nikkisto - 02-06-2016, 04:25 AM
RE: I am the plus one - by Jeremiahcp - 02-07-2016, 01:25 AM
RE: I am the plus one - by milo - 02-07-2016, 09:06 AM
RE: I am the plus one - by Jeremiahcp - 02-07-2016, 09:37 AM
RE: I am the plus one - by billy - 02-07-2016, 11:58 AM
RE: I am the plus one - by Jeremiahcp - 02-07-2016, 12:32 PM



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