01-25-2016, 12:14 PM
I'm always a fan of poetry that begins and ends in the same place, especially when it comes to storytelling through a poem. I like the final tie-together in the last line--- simple and poignant. In the same vein, given that this is obviously telling a story, I found some of the "moving pieces" a little hard to track. I didn't really follow who the pronouns were relating back to, which made the impact of the characters' actions less than what they could have been otherwise if i had a clean picture of who everyone was and how they were related. Maybe this is just me, but nonetheless, I think it's something to be kept in mind