Old Folks at Home

[Julius]

Old Folks at Home (second edit)

The radio played, the beat rocked on
with music from an earlier time.
It sang a well remembered song
of teenage love “that was so fine”.


Ignoring their arthritic knees,
they lived again in times gone by,
secretly pleased that no-one sees
a trickled tear, or hears them sigh.

In this time of memories
where, for a moment young again,
they could dismiss their stiffening knees
freed, for awhile, from nagging pain.


The music stopped, and so did they.
Now gone, the spell of sweet release;
as time returned to present day,
where aches and pains so rarely cease.

I liked this a lot. There is no pretense of superiority or "mystique"; the story is as you have told it, and you've told it eloquently.

If I were to pick, I would say that using knees both as arthritic and stiffening might be overdoing it, as I already had an image of arthritic knees, and didn't need another image.  

Also, I'm not sure if I understand "now gone, the spell of sweet release".  Are you saying that both the sweet release and the music are gone, or that the music is gone (which is also the sweet release).  Or none of the above?

I'm partial to the somber ending, and for that reason I think you've done an excellent job.

-BW

Thank you BW. Following advice given in the thread I have dispensed with one knee 
"Now gone the spell of sweet release" was meant to give the impression that they had, for a little time, been released from the infirmities of age, but returned to their infirmities as the music ended. 
Thank you again for considering my poem.

---

So why is this in novice?

I can only say that I am retired after never having been to university or studied poetry.

As for anything else I might say I think Erthona hits the nail on the head. If you compare the first poem with the third edit I'm sure you will see that, if this poem is liked, much of the refining and polishing up comes from the advice given in the thread