Reading From the Outside

[kkieran]

I was riding the bus today-- Take out 'I was' and 'today'
As I do every day, -
Lost in my own contemplation - I'd lose 'my own'

When a boy with windblown hair
And a girl with painted black nails
Jumped on for shelter from the rain

I watched as he steadied her
From the jerking starts
And abrupt stops 

How she peered into his eyes
Stepping into his gaze
And receding from our world

And as I observed from my bench
All I could consider,
Was that they were the kind of people one wrote stories about - 'kind of people stories were written about' - this is how I'd reword this

I'd also take 'Reading' out of the title,- but that's just me. Also, I'd try to limit the use of 'and' so much. I can certainly appreciate the art of people watching, and so I enjoyed the sentiment behind this piece.