01-21-2016, 01:13 PM
Now this is an unexpected development [ow!] . This sonnet had been through only a couple of revisions before posting, and I *know* there are things wrong with it (for example, the sentence spanning from S1 to S2). There are also things I wish I could have figured out how to do, such as working in "rubber-raftable" and making it clearer(er) that "if darkness fell" refers to social disorder.
But I'll take what I can get, which is apparently a poem that puts its program across without its mechanics getting in the way. [Cut! Print!]
@Casey Renee - I got the idea for the poem very much as you do from it. I was looking at nearby housing developments in RAIDS (a police activity database which includes overhead imagery) and realized that these seemingly stand-alone townlets, through which I bike regularly, were all wrapped around each other very compactly, separated by almost nonexistent barriers. In other words, looking down through RAIDS, I was the intrusive viewer you picture (and worry about). (For what it's worth, though, rooftop photovoltaic cells are probably barriers rather than skylight-windows to aerial spies: they're made to catch and process all available light into elecricity. They probably also interfere with infrared imaging through normal roof materials, too.) Thanks for the read.
@polesofie - Glad the poem worked for you after several reads. The structure does need revision to make it flow better - thanks for that observation, as well as the reads.
@billy - I scratch my head and get sawdust. Should perhaps submit it for serious workshopping, but it's such a light work that, if it's working, I hate to try improving the flow for fear of bunging it up in the process. Thanks very much for the read and comments.
But I'll take what I can get, which is apparently a poem that puts its program across without its mechanics getting in the way. [Cut! Print!]
@Casey Renee - I got the idea for the poem very much as you do from it. I was looking at nearby housing developments in RAIDS (a police activity database which includes overhead imagery) and realized that these seemingly stand-alone townlets, through which I bike regularly, were all wrapped around each other very compactly, separated by almost nonexistent barriers. In other words, looking down through RAIDS, I was the intrusive viewer you picture (and worry about). (For what it's worth, though, rooftop photovoltaic cells are probably barriers rather than skylight-windows to aerial spies: they're made to catch and process all available light into elecricity. They probably also interfere with infrared imaging through normal roof materials, too.) Thanks for the read.
@polesofie - Glad the poem worked for you after several reads. The structure does need revision to make it flow better - thanks for that observation, as well as the reads.
@billy - I scratch my head and get sawdust. Should perhaps submit it for serious workshopping, but it's such a light work that, if it's working, I hate to try improving the flow for fear of bunging it up in the process. Thanks very much for the read and comments.
Non-practicing atheist