01-21-2016, 02:54 AM
Welcome to the site.
Posting your first poem for critical review can be a difficult threshold to cross. I know, I have yet to post my first poem. So kudos for putting your hat in the ring.
Great input from the members in the previous posts. I'm sure, based on your follow up comments and changes to your poem, you appreciate each and every comment. In my opinion, less is more most of the time. Putting a focus on the path, and a little play on words, maybe this captures the theme in a succinct way:
His path was astray,
When his pride stepped in the way.
Thanks for posting.
Posting your first poem for critical review can be a difficult threshold to cross. I know, I have yet to post my first poem. So kudos for putting your hat in the ring.
Great input from the members in the previous posts. I'm sure, based on your follow up comments and changes to your poem, you appreciate each and every comment. In my opinion, less is more most of the time. Putting a focus on the path, and a little play on words, maybe this captures the theme in a succinct way:
His path was astray,
When his pride stepped in the way.
Thanks for posting.