01-20-2016, 09:50 PM
Of course Narcissus had great beauty and loved himself with excessive zeal. Perhaps the second line could be more confident in its approach. "But I dare say" allows for other's to doubt. Something like "Surely you see great beauty in my golden shades?" You could then go on to say how it is sad that you (the observer) can only see "my" beauty for a few days.
Perhaps choosing something beautiful different to Narcissus might get round my doubts.
I like the idea and the general feeling behind your poem and what I say is a very minor point. The overall effect I find pleasing.
Perhaps choosing something beautiful different to Narcissus might get round my doubts.
I like the idea and the general feeling behind your poem and what I say is a very minor point. The overall effect I find pleasing.