01-20-2016, 04:36 AM
On a large and bobbing barrel
In the middle of the sea,
Floats a wayward little sailor,
Drinking brackish tea.
Nevermore to hear the shouts
Of drunken men in tackless bouts.
Nor to hear of men’s fierce yells,
But instead the soft sea swells.
He shall float on salty foam,
‘Till he finds an island home,
And lay across its golden shore
Where worries bother him no more.
And in his mental sanitation,
On his fair and lonely isle,
To forget all men and deprivation,
And laugh a little while.
Hi! A novice critic here. In the last stanza, the line 'And in his mental sanitation' doesn't appeal to me as much as the rest of the poem, which I quite like. To me, the poem seems to be about finding the peace of solitude on an isle or island away from the rest of mankind. The line 'And in his mental sanitation' makes me think of sanitation in the sense of cleaning a toilet or having a septic tank, and doesn't fit the imagery of nature such as 'soft sea swells' , 'salty foam', and 'golden shore' used in the rest of the poem. Overall, the whole idea of getting away from the cruel world of man to find bliss on your own island is done well and effectively.
In the middle of the sea,
Floats a wayward little sailor,
Drinking brackish tea.
Nevermore to hear the shouts
Of drunken men in tackless bouts.
Nor to hear of men’s fierce yells,
But instead the soft sea swells.
He shall float on salty foam,
‘Till he finds an island home,
And lay across its golden shore
Where worries bother him no more.
And in his mental sanitation,
On his fair and lonely isle,
To forget all men and deprivation,
And laugh a little while.
Hi! A novice critic here. In the last stanza, the line 'And in his mental sanitation' doesn't appeal to me as much as the rest of the poem, which I quite like. To me, the poem seems to be about finding the peace of solitude on an isle or island away from the rest of mankind. The line 'And in his mental sanitation' makes me think of sanitation in the sense of cleaning a toilet or having a septic tank, and doesn't fit the imagery of nature such as 'soft sea swells' , 'salty foam', and 'golden shore' used in the rest of the poem. Overall, the whole idea of getting away from the cruel world of man to find bliss on your own island is done well and effectively.