Everyday you stalk me

[mv5543]

remove everything thats excess.

This is a work in progress, and I would love to hear all feedback on it. 

Revised


Everyday you stalk me
and with goofy faces
you like to mock me.
I try to reason to no end,
as you imitate me again
and my only revenge
is to tell all my friends
the man in the mirror this and the next line are cliche
is a real jerk.

Original

Everyday you stalk me
and with goofy faces
you like to mock me.
I try to reason to no end,
as all you do is imitate me again
and my only revenge 
is to tell all my friends
that man in the mirror
is a real asshole.

Hi. I like the set up of the poem and the concept of 'The Man in the Mirror'. I'm a novice writer as well, so consider my critique with caution. The first line draws me in. But when I read the second line and see the word 'goofy' some of my interest fades away. I think you can use a more emotion-provoking word in its place. Line 3 and 4 fit nicely with line 1. I don't understand what you were trying to convey in line 6. Maybe it's me, but if I hate myself I would carry it like a deep dark secret and tell no one. But perhaps we just don't feel the same way. The last line, which I feel should be the real 'clincher' for the poem, falls short by digressing from the rhythmical structure of the rest of the poem and doesn't leave me floored. Keep working at it!