Shy Lady Moon

[billy]

hi pyrra
i like the concept of a living moon. you have the title no need for it in the first line

she doesn't show all
her face at once you know

just an example of how you could make the reader think about your lines. make the linebreaks work for you remove any excess, remove any words that occur more than once, bring her alive with images; i'd suggest for now that you forgo the end rhymes, once you get the poem down proper you can play with rhymes, it feels like the rhymes are dictating the poem at present.

1)
Shy Lady Moon, she doesn't show
all of her face at once, you know?
She turns around in gentle pace,
each night reveils more of her face
until you see her, full and bright,
to silver day she turns the night
For her we dance, to her we pray
and then she slowly turns away.

2)
Watching her indulging play,
she'll turn towards you and away,
a rhythmic dance, celestian style.
So? She turns around once in a while.
This rhythm serves to be a shelf
and  stimulus for time itself.
The turning round, the to and fro,
you box up time, it makes it go.
And while you watch she picks up pace,
she leaves you blind - you see her face
and smile, and leg and bossoms veil,
a baby´s birth, a fingernail.
A thrillig show, a dance of night,
Exit to left, entry from right.

And drawn by her Gravity
you might find you are the sea.