|
He is time
|
01-17-2016, 03:19 AM
i really enjoy the revision. Sometimes the left over rhymes from the original are a little distracting, but I have little else to poke at. Hourglasses are better than buckets, but each revolution around the sun is a year....however I think you need the "each" for rhythm. Indefinite revolutions around the sun makes more sense but messes it up.
|
|
« Next Oldest | Next Newest »
|
| Messages In This Thread |
|
He is time - by REW - 01-07-2016, 09:29 AM
RE: He is time - by 71degrees - 01-08-2016, 11:36 AM
RE: He is time - by Weeded - 01-08-2016, 08:10 PM
RE: He is time - by REW - 01-09-2016, 04:48 AM
RE: He is time - by aschueler - 01-10-2016, 12:29 AM
RE: He is time - by REW - 01-10-2016, 03:37 AM
RE: He is time - by REW - 01-10-2016, 09:53 AM
RE: He is time - by 71degrees - 01-17-2016, 01:54 AM
RE: He is time - by REW - 01-20-2016, 09:34 AM
RE: He is time - by aschueler - 01-17-2016, 03:19 AM
RE: He is time - by Erthona - 01-20-2016, 11:14 AM
RE: He is time - by REW - 01-23-2016, 07:22 AM
|
