01-17-2016, 02:48 AM
Thanks for all the great advice, and Rhoiyt, I love that edit on the poem.
I'll consider the god thing, but the problem, as I see it, is the 2nd stanza takes away from the 1st stanza, by giving the poem a more focused direction. The 1st stanza when on its own is a universal statement about pride, but with the 2nd stanza then the whole poem is about God (as God always steals the spotlight). A poem about God will speak to a lot of people, but using religion can also lock some people out. However a poem about pride alone is a universal message that will speak to nearly everyone.
I'll consider the god thing, but the problem, as I see it, is the 2nd stanza takes away from the 1st stanza, by giving the poem a more focused direction. The 1st stanza when on its own is a universal statement about pride, but with the 2nd stanza then the whole poem is about God (as God always steals the spotlight). A poem about God will speak to a lot of people, but using religion can also lock some people out. However a poem about pride alone is a universal message that will speak to nearly everyone.