01-16-2016, 04:51 AM
Honestly, I really like the second stanza, and I think it serves as a very functional opening to discussing a more philosophical topic, such as religion or a struggle within it. I can't say that it's terribly specific because it doesn't contain a lot of detail. I do like how straightforward it is though; it's beautiful. I do think you should add to it, and make the lines longer by compiling them so the poem is more fluid.
I think the second stanza should be kept because it serves as an opening if you were to add onto the existing poem. Mentioning God and your ego allows for a deeper discussion to occur, and I think you should add to it. I also think that the lines should be longer (compile the short lines you have into a few long ones). I really appreciate how it's simple yet complex, and how it's so straightforward.
I think the second stanza should be kept because it serves as an opening if you were to add onto the existing poem. Mentioning God and your ego allows for a deeper discussion to occur, and I think you should add to it. I also think that the lines should be longer (compile the short lines you have into a few long ones). I really appreciate how it's simple yet complex, and how it's so straightforward.