Father Died

[Alexearth]

Most things are known throughout a life:
like table salt, how it tasted
the night father screamed at you
to leave his room so he could die,
a glass of water, walking barefoot in grass,
or the absence of light in family photos.

How early morning autumn pulls the air
out of you, like reading a poem
all in one breath.

You know even after a death,
Canadian geese will return.
You also know, he won't.

Hey,

I was wondering, why did you put the lines
"the night father screamed at you 
to leave his room so he could die,"
between the salt and the glass of water, which are more basic known things?

I would have preferred seeing these lines at the end of the first stanza, and maybe after building up the different known things you are listing by order of intensity. And having these lines in the end of the first stanza would coordinate in structure with the last line of the second stanza.

For the second stanza, I don't know if the last line "You also know, he won't." is necessary. Or maybe it should be said differently. My idea is that you could maybe use the geese as an implicit image of hope, or a wish. But then, that would be the way I would have wanted to write the poem and not yours.

Overall, this is a very nice poem, and I am just being picky because there's not that much to add.

Thanks for the read!


Alex