Thirst

[Apache]

Thank you for giving such detailed feedback! Given me a lot to think about as I rewrite this. 

" Larva plump like rice" You are missing a verb. You are using plump like fat, not like "plump" a pillow. So "Larva fat like rice. If you said "The Larva plumped the rice" you would be using it as a verb. What action is "plump" doing and to whom?  

Actually, the mistake is that I wrote "Larva" instead of "LarvAE", which is plural. I meant for plump to be the verb in the present tense; meaning "to grow plump". Meaning that "Larvae grow plump like rice". When larva is made plural, the line is grammatically correct. 

Well there is some iambic, then there is some trochee, then...

Well, there are alternating couplets. A couplet in iambic pentameter with end rhymes, followed by a couplet in trochaic pentameter without end rhymes. Admittedly, this was a pretty arbitrary structure; I usually write in free verse, this began mostly as an experiment in using and alternating between meters. 

  If you say you used the enjambment to make the meter work by definition that is forced. I disliked it as it didn't really seem to do much other than say "look here - enjambment". I do not see that it moves the poem along contextually, rhythmically, or any other way.

You make a good point. The metric structure I imposed was pretty arbitrary and there was no connection between that and the theme/imagery of the poem. As I said above, this was meant as an experiment in using metric structure, but I will try to rework it to make the meter integrate into the poem more.

 

The dark and o-ily blood of din-o-saurs
co-ag-u-lates re-mote in des-ert bores
 
suck-led by the gnat-tish maws of plat-forms.
Pumped into the sky to burn, the warmth  (off rhyme, barely, but I like it)

I didn't even instead for an off-rhyme in that second couplet, actually. It was meant to be unrhymed completely. 
 

The si-ren clout of din-o-blood's temp-ta-tio-n
draws them from the trop-ics. Led a-stray,  (no rhyme)

Actually, "stray" rhymes with the second syllable in "temptation," which (at least in American English) is pronounced "tay".  

Nope, don't see it. Although I will admit to there being more rhythmic phrases than I originally thought. However the lack of consistency and the fact that in many cases the patterns are disruptive rather than  energetically moving the piece along  kind of puts the whole rhythm thing in the negative I'm afraid. I'm sure my scanning isn't the best, but it is adequate. There is the rule of three, where when there are three unstressed syllables the middle one gets stressed, however that applies when there is some consistent iambic and that is not occurring here. However, you could ask milo, he is our resident expert on meter, he might scan this different. I am always happy to be wrong.   

Fair enough on your point that the patterns are disruptive. I'll work on that.