01-11-2016, 12:03 AM
Wow Mark thanks, what an excellent critique.
You know I started to put revised on this, but I did a search and nothing came up although I was almost positive I had posted it before. So thanks for the info, I would never have figured that out.
I think the answer to most of your questions is yes, except for the spelling (I must have been having fantasies of Ruth. Actually I was not trying to emphasize Allen's "gayness" (I don't think effeminate equates to gay anyway), I was always just fascinated by his hand movement when he would describe things, and the old man is (and here to so extent I let the cat out of the bag) at one level a superficial facsimile of the Beats and especially Ginsberg. I've written a number of poems around this idea of people who only imitate the surface features of certain types of poetry, but especially Beat poetry. Such as:
__________________________
The Gammer
Instead of her face she has a picture
of a pair of gams as her avatar.
A wise choice no doubt:
the gams look better.
I’ve been there myself.
Two stems, the color
of blue whale underbelly
in black and white;
already neatly netted,
and ready for sale.
However, the idea that these gams
are Black & White is erroneous.
They are a false color image,
minus the color.
…this is developing nicely!
--------------------------------
Sorry, I forgot to ask,
“Do they go all the way up?”
--------------------------------
I guess its film noir after all.
Goodnight Allen Ginsburg:
dead, but not missed.
After all, they have the look,
who needs the substance?
__________________________________
So at least on one level it is a play on that.
" top sun"
You missed the pun on this one:Hunter S. Thompson - Thomp=top son=sun
Yes, I know I indulge way too much.
Yes, drop the photovoltaic. But the lamp is green, "Hunter Green"
Should that "to" be "too"? I don't know, but then again my dyslexia is probably kicking in, so tell me why. I haven't a clue at the moment.
Actually the 29 was a play also, his age, yes, but also on Jack Weinberg's "We don't trust anyone over thirty". So a little parallelism there.
One work will do, pi'son gone, venom remains.
Actually " jelly-roll" stands for anything good, especially pleasurable, your interpretation as well, all of that. Notice the wording surrounding it.
"unconsciously down the imaginary jelly-roll lane" Also a Jungian reference there.
of the collective racial mass memory storage retaining area"
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I agree with most of your suggestions, except the coffee one. He may in fact need coffee, but he is also thinking about coffee in the sense of hitting a coffee shop, where he just might meet his plastic woman, having now met his plastic beat, but disco was never kind to us who had to endure it
Thanks again Mark, best critique I've had in a long time.
Dale
You know I started to put revised on this, but I did a search and nothing came up although I was almost positive I had posted it before. So thanks for the info, I would never have figured that out.
I think the answer to most of your questions is yes, except for the spelling (I must have been having fantasies of Ruth. Actually I was not trying to emphasize Allen's "gayness" (I don't think effeminate equates to gay anyway), I was always just fascinated by his hand movement when he would describe things, and the old man is (and here to so extent I let the cat out of the bag) at one level a superficial facsimile of the Beats and especially Ginsberg. I've written a number of poems around this idea of people who only imitate the surface features of certain types of poetry, but especially Beat poetry. Such as:
__________________________
The Gammer
Instead of her face she has a picture
of a pair of gams as her avatar.
A wise choice no doubt:
the gams look better.
I’ve been there myself.
Two stems, the color
of blue whale underbelly
in black and white;
already neatly netted,
and ready for sale.
However, the idea that these gams
are Black & White is erroneous.
They are a false color image,
minus the color.
…this is developing nicely!
--------------------------------
Sorry, I forgot to ask,
“Do they go all the way up?”
--------------------------------
I guess its film noir after all.
Goodnight Allen Ginsburg:
dead, but not missed.
After all, they have the look,
who needs the substance?
__________________________________
So at least on one level it is a play on that.
" top sun"
You missed the pun on this one:Hunter S. Thompson - Thomp=top son=sun
Yes, I know I indulge way too much.
Yes, drop the photovoltaic. But the lamp is green, "Hunter Green"
Should that "to" be "too"? I don't know, but then again my dyslexia is probably kicking in, so tell me why. I haven't a clue at the moment.
Actually the 29 was a play also, his age, yes, but also on Jack Weinberg's "We don't trust anyone over thirty". So a little parallelism there.
One work will do, pi'son gone, venom remains.
Actually " jelly-roll" stands for anything good, especially pleasurable, your interpretation as well, all of that. Notice the wording surrounding it.
"unconsciously down the imaginary jelly-roll lane" Also a Jungian reference there.
of the collective racial mass memory storage retaining area"
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I agree with most of your suggestions, except the coffee one. He may in fact need coffee, but he is also thinking about coffee in the sense of hitting a coffee shop, where he just might meet his plastic woman, having now met his plastic beat, but disco was never kind to us who had to endure it
Thanks again Mark, best critique I've had in a long time.
Dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.