January (Haiku)

[Jeremiahcp]

I love the word embroidered, that is a great and clear description. I don't understand why you hyphenated the words bow-bent, and tear-drenched. I also think the idea of being drenched conflicts with an idea of it being frozen, as drenched indicates something is wet, and not frozen. I love the inclusion of tear in the 2nd line, that way you have a sad element in both the 1st and 2nd line, maybe even the 3rd if a person considers a frozen river sad. People also often associate crying with the willow trees, so I love the idea of being embroidered in ice tears.

I am a little confused by your grammar, as you have a period on the end, treating the haiku like a sentence, but you also have a capitalization at the start of each line of the poem.

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I'm more a fan of minimalism - this is how I'd use that shot of time and place -


willows, bowed
by lace sleeves ~
frozen river

The problem I see with the 3rd line here, is with the original intent of the poem. Are the bowed laced sleeves the frozen river themselves, or are they flowing to the river? Also is it the willows themselves or the boughs (is the poem about one tree, or trees)?