01-10-2016, 03:29 PM
(01-04-2016, 06:39 AM)8209pips Wrote: Hi there. This is the first poem here for me. Or any public forum for that matter. I'm definitely a novice as you'll be able to see. I'm open and up for any criticism you may have to offer. I do know the flow is a bit off. Not too sure of some of the words or styles (don't know technical names yet) that I can use. Thank you in advance.This poem is really good; I like how you bring back the cage. One thing that I would do to improve this is change the word "reside" and "residing." This poem is really emotional, and the word "reside" is not a very strong word. Instead, I would do something like "Bulging arms clasping me" and "Chants of insanity echo within me."
Floor scuffed by my dragging heels. Marked in dead skin.
Carried to the inevitable.
Kicking, screaming, i beg for forgiveness
Seeking grace I have found only madness
Hearing voices of demons I can not escape.
Bulging arms residing around me.
Determined to feed me to my fate
Looming in the stifling air
Chants of insanity reside within me
Closer still to the inevitable
The faces of new friends seething behind their cage
Lined in white, pure as new life
My home begins to fill with
indiscriminate transgressions I embraced
The forgiveness I once sought
Turn to the beast I knew I was
Releasing my demons gone mad
Embracing the inescapable truth that is I
Settling in.
Heels scuffed by the dead floor
My home a prison for the demons I love
Here my madness will reside.
Here my insanity will be safe.
My face. Seething behind my cage.
