Father Died

[REW]

Hi 71 Degrees,

This is hard for me to give critique on.  I really like your second and third stanza.  I think this could be a very potent and pretty piece, but for me there are some issues in the first stanza.  As I was reading the comparisons didn't quite make a proper impression because I was distracted by the salt somehow leading to the night father died and etc.  I can see that father screaming to die alone could be a dose of straight table salt, but just the taste of salt is mentioned (which I do not find a bad thing...people add it to things to improve the taste).

(I don't think the night father screamed being compared to the taste of table salt quite works for me. It seems to me that following mention of the night he died that I am wanting more profound statements than a glass of water and barefoot in the grass. Then it seems the narrator is making quite a jump to the more unpleasant detail of missing light in family photos).
Most things are known throughout a life:
like table salt, how it tasted
the night father screamed at you
to leave his room so he could die,
a glass of water, walking barefoot in grass,
or the absence of light in family photos.

How early morning autumn pulls the air (This is beautiful)
out of you, like reading a poem
all in one breath.

You know even after a death, (I like this ending.  Why?  I suppose because is about a cycle, so it is a nice comparison.)
Canadian geese will return.
You also know, he won't.