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[Magpie]

I agree that the lack of punctuation leads to confusion as to how it should be read and therefore interpreted. The first stanza could be understood as "He was certain his steps led the way" and that "He was certain his pride was leading him astray", although I don't think this is your intention I can't be entirely certain. Some may say that it is obvious and that common sense dictates what is meant. But some punctuation would leave no doubts at all.

I'm not sure why you have chosen to rewrite the poem in the way you have. I would think that the second stanza would be more worth keeping simply because it doesn't have a cliche like 'leading him astray' which is in the first stanza. The whole idea of the poem is definitely a worthy one, you just need to say it in an original way.

Thanks for the read,

Mark