Untitled

Untitled

Beat Eater
Unregistered

01-09-2016, 07:41 AM

I like this. I feel like it just starts to get going right before it ends, though. Some punctuation and maybe different line breaks would help with the flow. I wasn't sure where you intended your reader to pause.
This was a tastey morsel and I would love to read more.

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Messages In This Thread

Untitled - by Jeremiahcp - 01-09-2016, 04:22 AM

RE: Untitled - by UselessBlueprint - 01-09-2016, 06:53 AM

RE: Untitled - by Jeremiahcp - 01-09-2016, 07:35 AM

RE: Untitled - by NickyDubs - 01-09-2016, 07:11 AM

RE: Untitled - by Beat Eater - 01-09-2016, 07:41 AM

RE: Untitled - by Jeremiahcp - 01-09-2016, 08:03 AM

RE: Untitled - by Achebe - 01-09-2016, 08:27 AM

RE: Untitled - by Magpie - 01-09-2016, 12:07 PM

RE: Untitled - by Jeremiahcp - 01-09-2016, 05:05 PM

RE: Untitled - by abbigailpaige - 01-16-2016, 04:51 AM

RE: Untitled - by QDeathstar - 01-16-2016, 08:49 AM

RE: Untitled - by UselessBlueprint - 01-16-2016, 01:53 PM

RE: Untitled - by rhoiyt - 01-16-2016, 09:51 PM

RE: Untitled - by Jeremiahcp - 01-17-2016, 02:48 AM

RE: Untitled - by ellajam - 01-17-2016, 02:55 AM

RE: Untitled - by Erthona - 01-21-2016, 01:49 AM

RE: Untitled - by Jeremiahcp - 01-24-2016, 02:09 AM

RE: Untitled - by mcauburn - 01-21-2016, 02:54 AM

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