Beat (rev 1 Apache, header change , added Austin Texas)

[Apache]

Apache,

You're right dialect is very difficult to write. The commonality is the dialect comes in the narration, so I was meaning to use it less as a device for dialogue and more as a point of emphasis. Of course that was my intent and if it doesn't work, it doesn't (this certainly wouldn't be the first of many of my experiments that have not worked so well). I don't want to comment further on the dialect so as not to prejudice any other readings (Hopefully there will be some). I will say they hold within them more than just dialect.

Certainly the point you make at the end is a very valid one ("...sound either Southern drawl or British depending on how you read it."), unless written in phonetics there can most often be several takes on the pronunciation unless the writer's name is Sam Clemons.  

Thanks for giving it a read and for your comments.

dale

I would say that to make the dialect really apparent to the reader is to have something in the first stanza that more explicitly sets it up. If the reader has some expectation at the beginning of what to "hear", the rest of the phonetics will fall in line. So either a line that says where the narrator is, or an unmistakable stereotype associated with that dialect, etc.