01-07-2016, 07:26 AM
A hell of a lot better than my first poems. My biggest complaint is the changing imagery. It moves much too rapidly for me. I don't have the time process one image before jumping directly to a new one. I'm not worried that the metaphors aren't easy to understand, because the depth usually indicates a that it holds a lot of information in a few words - a high compression ratio. I also agree with Will regarding line 7. It's a bit hard to say, but I can't tell if that is by design or not.