The Gift Of The Empty Hand (edit #3)
#50
There's so much feedback, I almost afraid to comment, so I will keep to a few quick points:

Quote:You left without your things.

Eighty years of salvage shelved 
beside Cayce, Twain and Eliot;
issues from the weekly deluge 
of Archeology, New Yorker, Science   [Archeology, Science, New Yorker,] vocalizes a bit smoother
and annotated testaments 
the rest of us would never read.
Closets harbor picnic baskets     With "deluge" above I see you are going for the water motif, but I really stumbled on "Closets harbor"; if there was a stanza break it might work better.
and rescued vacuum cleaners;
Polaroid cameras in their striped boxes;
photos of your youth, and ours.

When the ocean took it all
your grin appeared and whispered: [appeared, whispering:]
They're just things.      [even though it is admittedly so far away, I wonder about the repetition with line 1 of the word "things"]

My arms are full of empty,
free to hold today.


You seem to be (nicely) comparing the reaction of him/her with the reaction of [narrator] you. Is the idea that the gathering/accumulation was done of one mind, but the loss revealed the divergence? I am also bothered by the opening seeming to refer to the end of the relationship, but the loss of stuff caused by (seemingly) a random weather event. Is it some big coincidence? Or am I miss reading this?

There may be more to mine there.
Reply


Messages In This Thread
The Gift Of The Empty Hand (edit #3) - by ellajam - 11-28-2015, 01:04 AM
RE: The Gift of Loss - by Tiger the Lion - 11-28-2015, 03:34 AM
RE: The Gift of Loss - by ellajam - 11-28-2015, 04:00 AM
RE: The Gift of Loss - by ThatsNotFennel - 11-28-2015, 07:39 AM
RE: The Gift of Loss - by just mercedes - 11-28-2015, 11:50 AM
RE: The Gift of Loss - by Achebe - 11-28-2015, 12:02 PM
RE: The Gift of Loss - by QDeathstar - 11-28-2015, 12:11 PM
RE: The Gift of Loss - by ellajam - 11-28-2015, 02:26 PM
RE: The Gift of Loss - by rayheinrich - 11-28-2015, 02:48 PM
RE: The Gift of Loss - by ellajam - 11-28-2015, 03:15 PM
RE: The Gift of Loss - by aschueler - 11-29-2015, 12:35 AM
RE: The Gift of Loss - by ellajam - 11-29-2015, 01:59 AM
RE: The Gift of Loss - by aschueler - 11-29-2015, 05:59 AM
RE: The Gift of Loss - by ellajam - 12-17-2015, 10:48 PM
RE: The Gift Of The Empty Hand (edit #1) - by Emz - 12-28-2015, 08:51 PM
RE: The Gift Of The Empty Hand (edit #2) - by REW - 12-31-2015, 10:11 AM
RE: The Gift Of The Empty Hand (edit #2) - by Akira - 01-06-2016, 11:21 PM



Users browsing this thread: 2 Guest(s)
Do NOT follow this link or you will be banned from the site!