01-06-2016, 11:21 PM
There's so much feedback, I almost afraid to comment, so I will keep to a few quick points:
You seem to be (nicely) comparing the reaction of him/her with the reaction of [narrator] you. Is the idea that the gathering/accumulation was done of one mind, but the loss revealed the divergence? I am also bothered by the opening seeming to refer to the end of the relationship, but the loss of stuff caused by (seemingly) a random weather event. Is it some big coincidence? Or am I miss reading this?
There may be more to mine there.
Quote:You left without your things.
Eighty years of salvage shelved
beside Cayce, Twain and Eliot;
issues from the weekly deluge
of Archeology, New Yorker, Science [Archeology, Science, New Yorker,] vocalizes a bit smoother
and annotated testaments
the rest of us would never read.
Closets harbor picnic baskets With "deluge" above I see you are going for the water motif, but I really stumbled on "Closets harbor"; if there was a stanza break it might work better.
and rescued vacuum cleaners;
Polaroid cameras in their striped boxes;
photos of your youth, and ours.
When the ocean took it all
your grin appeared and whispered: [appeared, whispering:]
They're just things. [even though it is admittedly so far away, I wonder about the repetition with line 1 of the word "things"]
My arms are full of empty,
free to hold today.
You seem to be (nicely) comparing the reaction of him/her with the reaction of [narrator] you. Is the idea that the gathering/accumulation was done of one mind, but the loss revealed the divergence? I am also bothered by the opening seeming to refer to the end of the relationship, but the loss of stuff caused by (seemingly) a random weather event. Is it some big coincidence? Or am I miss reading this?
There may be more to mine there.

