On a cold and frosty morning

[Mcfair]

Edit 1 (Thanks to all)

Behave yourself tonight,
and please don’t embarrass us,
she warned.
But five drinks in
I'm tumbling backwards
setting the clock for 17
again.

A non-smoker cadging cigs,
swallowing shot glasses
then another pint,
swapping party anthems
for Springsteen and Motorhead,
I air guitar my way to the
wrong side of another day.

Her gun metal frown
was one step in front
ready to take the head-shot.
My reflection in the bathroom
leaned towards me
and smiled,
hollow-eyed.
I staggered a path down
the stairs two bumped
steps at a time.
Hello love, having a gud time?

Get in the car we're going home.

Two miles in
I'm 52 again
snoring in the passenger seat.
with a not so bright future.


Orginal

Behave yourself tonight,
and please don’t embarrass us.
she warned.
Piss off
I thought
I won’t dear
I said.

But five drinks in
I think I’m 17 again.

A non-smoker cadging fags,
swallowing shot glasses
then another pint,
swapping party anthems
for Springsteen and Motorhead,
I air guitar my way to the
wrong side of another day.

Her gun metal frown
was one step in front
ready to take the head-shot.
My reflection in the bathroom
leaned towards me
and smiled
hollow-eyed
and cheek-boned.


Get in the car we're going home.

Two miles in
I'm 52 again
snoring in the passenger seat.

I have to say, I like the opening two stanzas better, including the italics - if you lose the italics here, the italics in the "get in the car" line, seem out of place.  I stumbled over the "falling backwards" image until I read the original, and the original definitely works better for me.  I understand the bad connotations associated with "fags" but I don't like "cigs" at all.  Maybe just:  "Cadging smokes, swallowing shot glasses, then another pint..."  I think the addition of the "staggered a path down the stairs two bumped stairs at a time"  is really good, but the next line would work better is you kept the original opening and italicized it.  I agree with others here, the ending is weak, but not sure how you would fix it.  I'm new to offering critique and hope this helps.  I really enjoyed reading this - the vivid imagery held me until the end.  Mcfair