01-05-2016, 08:55 AM
My favorite thing about this piece is you looked at that hanging bottle and saw poetry. That in itself is a beautiful thing(if only more people perceived as you). For the poem itself, eh. I personally think you're telling more than showing, and kinda feel parts like "What did it mean?" and "Hail, Nature!" detract from the poems value. Also the sentence that starts on L3 has six commas in it. I mean I'm pretty sure you're allowed to do that but as the reader it's kinda halting to the progression, and makes it hard for me to want to continue with a poem thats making me pause so much for no apparent reason. I think this piece definitely deserves an edit for the sake of its content, and I might do with a title change too-- since you have a picture already you might be able to get away with somethin ambiguous. Nice job,
Mike
Mike
Crit away