01-04-2016, 07:08 PM
Naima - i did not discern a story in all this. I would suggest that you slash it down to half its current length, and get rid of uninteresting abstractions such as (quoted at random):-
where you come so close
to joining me in chaos
the 'coming close' is figurative in this particular line, and 'chaos' is abstract, so this line (as a random example) is doubly abstract.
As a first poem, it is not bad. It takes effort to write out these many lines, and you've done that. it's the editing that you need to think of now.
where you come so close
to joining me in chaos
the 'coming close' is figurative in this particular line, and 'chaos' is abstract, so this line (as a random example) is doubly abstract.
As a first poem, it is not bad. It takes effort to write out these many lines, and you've done that. it's the editing that you need to think of now.
~ I think I just quoted myself - Achebe