Equality

[ellajam]

Hi, X, first, please find your apostrophe key, it's a little disrespectful to readers, this is a writing workshop.

I had a problem with L3, "Now you can find your feet" implies "walk away" to me, odd after "have a seat", it seems to be there just for the rhyme. Rhyme can be challenging to work with, it's fun to work hard enough on it so that you avoid using words solely for the rhyme and so that it sounds natural yet interesting.

You've set a rhyme pattern that you've ignored in S2/3, I don't think that aids the poem in any way. S5 bothered me for it's content, seems a bit nonsensical to me, I think you could do better.

So, there are issues here but that just means you have some work to do. That's what we're here for.

"We need more rights!"
Heres your vote, have a seat.
Now you can find your feet

"Its not enough, we need more pay!"
Heres a cheque
Are we okay?

"Weve fallen out of love, its not fair!"
Take my children, heres my keys.
Its okay, ill see them once a week

"Social justice, we need it now!"
Social justice? How so?
Please tell, I do not know

"Were being raped!"
"Men are evil!"
"Please stop this social upheavel!"

Do not fret! I have a solution!
Heres a fist for your mouth
Now make me a sandwich