First post.

[milo]

I am wondering if my criticism that I added previously was overly harsh.  I am new to the site and this is in the novice section.  I looked again at your poem today.  My previous remarks still stand as things to consider, but I wanted to add that your revision that you have done is cute.

I also wanted to suggest starting a new piece rather than reworking something old because it is more of a reflection of what you are about now and your skill set.  That is just a suggestion.

Your original criticism seemed well-suited to the forum.

/mod