Taking Flight [Major Revision-New Title]

[billy]

hi emma.

after reading it a few times i know what's being said it just seems to be taking a long way of saying it. the 1st person gains or loses or stays at the same time. if you embellish it use some image/metaphor at present it feels like a travel log. the first line works better as the title for me. it is original and has no cliche but it needs something to hold the reader. pull out the best few lines and build on them. what are the lifestyles of day and night phases. do you eat vegan or diabetic meals, how much do you drink and do you get drunk or chatted up by some sweaty fat bastard like me? smells, alliteration, consonance etc. make some of the poetic devices carry the load.

Phases 

Lifestyle of day/night phases: keep
watchful to the east
until our sun sets
when I look to the west. why? what do see/feel are you having on board eats/drinks, has the cabin crew got big cocks. if so; compared to what? paint the picture.
 
The plane to New York keep
follows east.
By the end of twenty-two hours,
I will have lost nothing,
not even a day.
 
When the plane travels
west again, I'll wonder where
two days have been.
 
A verse for starlight gazes.
Stars that I know what stars. what are they like, how do they move across the window/do they move across the window?
down south, where I live,
will reverse in New York
and return again here.
A watchful eye
to Orion's sky;
the only thing I'll recognise.
 
And now,
like clockwork,
through time-zones I go:
I'll follow planes east,
and where the planes stop,
I'll follow east further
and wind back at home.