First post.

[REW]

So....  I used to write somewhat prolifically, but have not written anything in years.  I have moved a few times and the books of poems that I had seem to have gotten lost.  I managed to dig up a couple from old facebook messages to friends to try to find some sort of inspiration again.  My first few posts will be these old poems.  I figure I'd start with something upbeat.  After reading this years later, I have many criticisms of it myself.  I'm curious to see what everyone thinks.  Let me know, and don't hold back!!!

Drifting off into the world of imagination
 Into the land of limitless creation
 Trees of chocolate and rivers of gold
 Such a rush to see to see my planet unfold
 Moving mountains to adorn the sunrise
 To make this day perfect in my eyes
 Alas, my efforts are all for naught 
 It appears there is something I forgot
 My attempt at a perfect world could never come true
 Because there is nothing I could make as perfect as you

After some comments, this is the edited version:

Drifting into imagination
The land of limitless creation
Trees of chocolate, rivers of gold
Blissfully watch my planet unfold
Sunrise adorned by the mountain tops
Dandelions made of lemon drops
Alas, my efforts are all for naught
It appears there's something I forgot
Open my eyes, beside me you dream
Perfection is not as far as it seems

Hi,

Are you really a misanthrope?     Okay so you said your poem is an old one...Your original read like a love poem to our planet for me.  The revision has turned into a love poem to a person.  This to me is a huge difference.  To me there is no way to improve upon this planet the way it was designed other that repair the destruction mankind has caused.  Your imaginary wonderful world in the revision depicts some edibles (the chocolate and the lemon drops) and then you have the rivers of gold. 

My suggestion to you is to decide what exactly you want to do with your poem.  Do you want to write a love poem to the planet, a love poem to a girl, or maybe send a message about the fallibility of the imagination of a dream world/perfection? Or holy cow a fantasy is right here beside me? Once you make a firm decision, then you can mold your poem to what it is you want to accomplish. 

This is complicated I think by your end rhymes.  I wonder if you are not saying what it is you want to say exactly and instead trying to think of a rhyme?

I like your ideas of this utopic fantasy world not being as good as the real world or waking up to realize a fantasy is beside you.  But I think you could develop it a tad more.

That is wonderful that you are opening yourself up to writing again.  I just recently started painting again, so I can relate.  I just recently joined the site too.