The Destination

[REW]

1. Through the arch of a brow
   
2. is a world of geometry:
   
3. in the heated expanding center
   
4. passions,
   
5. in the pigmented light
   
6. a soul,
   
7. in the focus
   
8. intellectual curiosity,
   
9. the beam
   
10. love warm and illuminating.
    
    
11. A lighthouse on a craggy cliff
    
12. guides a ship to dock in the harbor
    
13. and I am home.
    

A very good, comfortable poem which clearly expresses its sentiment.  After an appreciative cople of reads through, a few thoughts:

L1-2 - Some of your most striking lines, but might be improved.  The beloved's eye is geometrically *in* the arch of brow; you have its welcoming beam described - which would work with "through" - but it's several lines later.    But you use "in" as the starting point of your following descriptions, so it would be over-used here.  It's a puzzle, perhaps with no better solution.

L11 - [L]ighthouse on a craggy cliff - a good image, but a scale and orientation change from the previous initimate geometry of the beloved's eye.  Is the craggy cliff rough-hewn cheekbone or shoulder?  I don't quite see it.

General thought:  consider replacing "the," "a" and the like with descriptive words, or with nothing.  Pardon the rewrite, but "Through arch of brow/worlds of geometry beckon?"  Try removing them all, see how it reads, and re-install only those that are needed for sense or sound.

And finally, the title.  To me, a journey is a round trip, or at least the whole of the passage from starting to ending point.  Here you only discuss returning home (though it could also be a voyage of discovery, with the discovered signaled harbor sought, yet found unexpectedly).  Either way, the whole poem is arrival rather than journey as a whole.  A nit-pick, no more.

Please don't take the above as too harsh - I think your poem does everything you meant it to, and does it well.  It could, perhaps, do it even better.

The criticism isn't too harsh at all.  I appreciate the feedback.  I have a couple of thoughts for edits, but I am in the middle of painting.  The craggy cliff/sea voyage was meant to be a metaphor for life and the nasties, but home is with the person.  I wasn't making a metaphor for the face or cheeks...and well that could be an issue.  

This was originally called, A Deep Journey; however, I was concerned over cheese factor.  But yes duke alien I appreciate you sharing your thoughts. Thank you.

Revision

Under arch of brow
a world of geometry beckons:
within the heated expanding center
passions,
through the pigmented light
a soul,
in the focus
intellectual curiosity;
the beam,
love warm and illuminating.
 
A lighthouse on a craggy cliff
guides a ship to dock in the harbor
and I am home.

Original (original title, A Journey)

Through the arch of a brow
is a world of geometry:
in the heated expanding center
passions,
in the pigmented light
a soul,
in the focus
intellectual curiosity,
the beam
love warm and illuminating.
 
A lighthouse on a craggy cliff
guides a ship to dock in the harbor
and I am home.

I personally think a better way to write the first two lines is a compromise of your two versions:
Under the arch of the brow
is a world of geometry.

To my ears, that sounds a little better than either of the edits you have. But, of course, this is getting into personal preference.

As for the lighthouse metaphor, I too thought that the craggy cliff was a reference to the body. In this case, I was connecting it back to the first two lines and thinking the eyebrow was the craggy cliff. If you don't want to go that route, and use the lighthouse as a metaphor for getting through the tough times in life instead of a reference to the body, I'd consider replacing the craggy cliff and instead use a reference to stormy weather or fog. That, I think, would more clearly communicate the idea of rough times in life that you are being guided through by your beloved.

Thank you for your feedback Apache.  I am going to let your remarks settle a bit and then do some tweaking to this.  Thanks.

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The only geometry I could discern were "centre" and "focus".
For the second line to ring true, you might want to add a few more geometrical allusions in the body of the poem.

I know I didn't spell out much geometry.  I thought about that...the circle of the iris, the crescent, oval, and etc.  I kind of felt like the reader knows and if I started writing all of that it would be sort of overkill and then for a lack of better word, then the whole thing would start sounding weird.  I will think about that though and see if I can't skillfully weave something in there.  Thanks ronsaik, duly noted.

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So I made some pretty major changes and am curious to know if those changes were for the better, or if I managed to destroy it. ???