Signs

[browtm7]

In her palm she held fire
so bright; searing light on display
so all could see,
but none could touch.
 
Beautiful!

He, entranced by her energy,
tried to touch her incandescent flame.
In his hand he held water,
free-flowing and unconstrained.
 
free-flowing or unconstrained. Both are not needed.

Curiously, she gave her hand. Confused,
her brightness diminished.
She grew like a star, like a supernova
until finally, she exploded.
 
I love the use of “curiously” here. I see her head tilt and a “hmm?” in her eyes. Beautiful!
 
I don’t understand why she is confused though. Water douses fire. What I could see confusing her would be her growth into an exploding supernova. Water douses flame, not the other way around.
 
So maybe something along the lines of:
 
Bemused, she grew like a star,
like a supernova
until finally, she exploded.


he without form
She without form
 
These lines throw me off because of the separation of “he” and “She”. At this point I see them combined into an explosion of free-floating, molten lava which is formless yes, but not separate.
 
Thank you for sharing it.
 
TB