01-01-2016, 06:52 PM
(01-01-2016, 02:20 PM)Qdeathstar Wrote: The drips tick and tap my windshield .... "drips" here is an obvious elegant variation in the Fowlerian sense, on "drops" in the next line. Suggest stick to the more logical "drops"
as obedient wipers erase all impact .... Unnecessary personification in "obedient".
of rain drops' final act of expression
Streaming down my glass ending in a lifeless puddle....."lifeless" meaning "unmoving" here, but because raindrops don't have actual life, the tragic undertone rings false.
Why should rain wage battles ... Suggest "battle"
against gravity,
rising in a cloud to glimpse the Sun
only to crash back to murk? ... Isn't murk = mist? So shouldn't it be "into the mud" instead of "into the mist"? Clouds are mist, mostly.
~ I think I just quoted myself - Achebe